A Green-eyed Monster on a Red Letter Day: A Valentine’s Tale

Do you remember the way it first began? Some throw away comment, a lyric, something to catch you off guard. And it worked. You let your curiousity get the better of you, as you always do. I convinced you that it was purely coincidental; how could I know it would affect you that way?

But now you know, nothing I do is ever spontaneous. Everyone thinks that people are so hard to read, so hard to understand. That’s the great divide, isn’t it? But the truth is that we all want the same thing. We crave validation the same as everyone else. And with enough practice, the formula becomes easier to derive. I’m so good at it even I forget that I’m lying sometimes. But with you, I wasn’t. At first, maybe, but after that……

See how easy it is? The right word, the right pause. I’ll admit, it was different with you. I’ll even confess that at one point, I actually thought I loved you. But now I realise, it wasn’t love, it was admiration. You may not use the same strategy, but you play the same game. Well enough to almost beat me. You scarred me, but you forget that I’ve always been ugly. You may have cut deeper than the rest, but I’m still breathing. And I tore your fucking heart out.

And I’ll always be willing to go further than you could imagine. My fingertips remembered your every imagined curve, but heat sears memory and pain is an able replacement. You think I wouldn’t burn myself if you’d ever actually touched me? I knew what you looked like when you were still only letters, I saw your shadow before you even switched on the light. You wonder why I laughed when you said you were better off without me? You can’t even erase me when you close your eyes.  

So go and be happy, if you think you know what that is. And I’ll fade like an echo, when the walls close in. But when your back arches, and your hands are tied, when you mean to scream his name, you’ll be screaming mine. I’ll be there when you’re sleeping, I’ll be there when you wake. And I’ll watch you in silence, so beautiful and so fake. It could have been different, neither of us marked, but what made me love you, was what set us apart.

“You say I’m obsessive
I don’t want to hear
Overly possessive
Who, when, and where
When your arms go round another
I’ll turn my back, why bother

Forget the importance
Of what I mean to you
I’ll drown all the rodents
That chase after you
Well I’ve made my mistakes and know it
I need a chance to blow it

Am I getting greedy
For what’s already mine
I need all the rations
I won’t stand in line
And I’ll scale the wall
Only if you feed the rope
But I’ll slip and fall….”

~ by tenmiles on February 16, 2007.

3 Responses to “A Green-eyed Monster on a Red Letter Day: A Valentine’s Tale”

  1. Wow.

  2. So intense. I followed you here from your old blog. So this is the new home? Belated Happy V day. 😀

    Hey, I’ve moved to wordpress as well.

  3. Here be dragons…

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