Lamb to the slaughter….

So, Mrs Tenmiles and Cadence were upcountry visiting her gran last week. How did I cope, you ask? About as well as you’d expect someone sleeping a full eight hours for the first time in five months would cope.

Oh, with the provision that some part of their body was missing.

And since granny hadn’t seen Cadence since her birth, to say that she was ‘spoiled a bit’ would be like saying Robbie Williams is ‘quite a confident bloke’ (you know, coz he’s really an arrogant tosser. Geez people, must I explain everything?). And amongst a haul of goods that would make any pirate proud, is a little fluffy toy. Not just any fluffy toy, mind you, but one that interacts with the accompanying dvd to supposedly enhance the learning experience. That this toy chooses a lamb as its avatar upon this earth will likely conjure up many witty metaphors in ensuing comments. Yes KN, I’m looking at you.

But I digress.

So this fluffy little lamb sings and talks. And laughs. I intend to right Tinylove a letter, enquiring as to how they managed to capture the sound of the devil and reproduce it so faithfully in a such a seemingly innocent toy. I’m guessing its the devil’s laugh, though I have never heard it. That careful mix of terror and paranoia certainly seems to originate from the bowels of hell, but I am open to correction.

I just know that late one night, I will stumble blindly into the lounge to retrieve something or other and……….yes, you guessed it. Wouldn’t be surprised to see its head spinning around either, little eyes glowing red.

Still, Cadence seems to like it, so I guess it stays.

When they said parenthood involves making sacrifices, I didn’t think they meant it literally.

Any ideas what might  appease a fluffy spawn of Satan?

~ by tenmiles on January 29, 2007.

9 Responses to “Lamb to the slaughter….”

  1. That’s one of the great joys of parenting…dealing with the annoying toys. The best revenge you can have is to inflict similar seemingly innocent nightmare toys on others with children!

  2. I’d suggest a fluffy Welshman, but that might be slightly inappropriate for a children’s toy.

  3. I have no children of my own, so I cannot really relate to your story of demon toys. I do have six god children however, and have made it my life’s mission to see to it that they want for nothing in the way of entertainment – books and toys included. I think the toy drum set three Christmas’s ago when down best with Nicolau, Tristan and Jonathan. Especially since there are, well, three of them, and only one set of drums, if you take my meaning. [Apparently it’s almost impossible to assimilate the concept of “waiting your turn” when you are 3, 5 or 7 years old. Their parents certainly remember this time with much fondess as well – they certainly mention it often enough …
    I’m glad your ladies are back, and that you’re whole again xx

  4. Notice also, if you will, how I verily did not comment on the lack of respect you’ve shown for Robbie. Such determination and self control … xx

  5. Any ideas what might appease a fluffy spawn of Satan?
    No, but it sounds like it’s your soul it’s after.

  6. Carl – And I intend on exacting my revenge, oh yes indeed…….(mwahahahaha)

    Fence – What’s wrong with a fluffy Welshman, unless of course you refer to Tom Jones in a fur coat. No pussycats around here are interested in what’s new…..

    Parenthesis – I would have been very disappointed if you had not said anything. All that your silence would have accomplished is a post dedicated to Robbie loathing. Oh wait, I’ve done that already ;~)

    Anne – And it has a blue light for a belly button. Can’t look away……

  7. Well, there is no appeasing it, satanic lambs are weird that way. But if you dig through your CDs I’m willing to bet you could find a song or two befitting the devilish display you’ve described! (If not, check with me.)

  8. Robbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbie!

  9. Could this be the infamous “Livestock of Chucky”? I reckon this is your penance for being a b-a-a-a-a-a-d boy.

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