I ended up talking about life as a human ape over on my page this morning and this feeling is still with me, so I’m thinking about it some more over here.

I feel clinically detached from my humanness these days. I don’t know when it happened, if it’s been creeping up on me for a long time and I haven’t noticed the slow alienation from myself until now, who knows? All I know is I am not feeling human today. I haven’t felt “human” for ages.

They say that monkeys, as babies, demand the same amount of physical love from their parents as humans do and that if they don’t get it (for example apes that are isolated and used for vivisection/experimentation purposes and studied in laboratories) that they go insane, become withdrawn and schizophrenic. I am beginning to think that this happens to humans too and not just during infancy – if we don’t get adequate physical attention on a broad-based level throughout the whole tenure of our lives, we start to go inward on ourselves and we implode.

Hopefully when I get back from the Kruger at the end of September, I will have tuned into myself again. My soul craves wilderness today. I need wild.

~ by tenmiles on August 7, 2005.

9 Responses to “Adoons-hulle”

  1. Ifya like distance learning degree hit me up. Get details on
    distance learning degree Bruce

  2. Ah, comment -spam. I got my first case over the weekend, too.

    Pardon me for finding this funny, but the implicit sense of loneliness in your post (one I very much enjoyed, too) and a sense of craving human contact. . . and then you come down to the comments “aha” someone likes it enough and here’s that human contact i’ve needed and you open it up and. . .

    distance learning? fucking distance learning?

    this is another example of synchronicity, but it files under “humor”.

  3. I’ve heard similar explanations from boys I dated when I was a teen…that whole ‘imploding’ thing. 😉
    But I agree, we all need to be held once in awhile and to feel wanted. How about a cyber hug? (no groping, I promise.)

  4. Here’s hoping that your time in the wild will do the trick and won’t exacerbate your feeling of alienation.

  5. fortycalibernap: Very funny hey … I was like “wha ..?”
    Beezlebabe: No groping?!? Aw …
    kyknoord: Heita … can only hope, hey? 🙂

  6. Revel in it, it is part of who you are.

    There are times I intentionally send my human half to sleep. To revel, to wallow, to objectively observe the sections of my life that don’t feel right.

    Let go the human for awhile, it only becomes more precious when it returns.


  7. Well, I’m up for the groping bits. 😀

    P.S. Look at cats. Very domesticated but go wild every now and then. Also, they sleep a lot. How’s that for well-adjusted. 😉

  8. I’m often alone for most of the day with the odd voice to keep me company while I work from home.

    But on the isolation issue, I feel very much the same.

    And yes, it does creep up on you.

    My problem is, I think about things far too much.

    In any one conversation, I think about every single word spoken and perform some kind of insane real-time analysis of the meaning, the intonation, the body language .. pure madness.

    I often talk my way out of good situation as fast as i get myself in there…

  9. Glad your move is almost done and will be looking forward to more regular posting! 🙂

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